uNdersidemymind

It was dark, humid and quiet...but it was not night yet.

I knew this street, I had been here before. I have been walking for hours, is this a dream? The cobblestone street sure feels real enough, my feet are starting to ache from it. How did I get here?
Finally I couldnt take it anymore and let it out,
"fuck! where the hell am I!?"

There is nobody around to hear the scream.

I take a look around, it looks like its about to rain. Then I notice a neon sign in one of the run down buildings windows. It says, "Questions answered downstairs." What an odd sign I thought.

I start starring at the sign.

Minutes pass by what seems like hours.

I start to make my way towards the door, the side of my foot gets caught in between one of the cobblestones and I quickly twist my ankle. The pain is sharp and quick, god I hate when that happens. I could have sworn I heard laughing but upon further inspection I realize im still alone. It must have been my imagination.

I finally get to the door, its white and the paint is peeling off all the way down to the wood. I try to open the door but the door  is jammed. I could just be the swelling of the wood from the rain before. I give the door a quick shoulder push and is wobbles open. The sound of the thump was loud enough for anyone inside to know someone was coming in.

(to be continued)

I was so excited, it was my 12th birthday and I was going to spend the day with my grandpa. My mother was a bit uneasy about me spending time alone with him because of his deteriorating condition. He had been in the nursing home for a little over 4 years now. He was always telling outlandish tales of aliens and elves, stuff that real lunacy is made of. As a child though you believed all these things and were amazed by all the tales of adventure. I was always hoping something amazing was going to happen when I was with him. I couldnt explain it, but being around him felt...magical.

I was breathing heavy on the car window, thinking about what to make my dragon look like. my mom cleared her voice and said, "now hunny, I know you love grandpa very much and you like spending time with him but I want you to undertand that sometimes he forgets things or may say things to you that arent real. He's sick and does'nt know what hes saying."

I didnt say anything back, I was a little tired of the lecture since I had heard it about ten times in the past few day. I just continued drawing my dragon in a the window and dreamed of the world my grandpa told me about.

We were almost there.

(to be continued.)

I dream alot, its safe to say 98% of the time actually. All of it is easy to remmember as soon as I wake up, but it starts to fade away as I shower. Sometimes though my dream is so powerful its hard to shake it loose. It all began as a party in my basement, the usual family get together. I cant remmember who was there but I do know it was all close family and friends. The excitement was in the air and everyone was having a good time icluding myself and my dog Rex. For those of you who dont know me well enought, Rex passed away a little over 10 yrs ago.

--------It was pointed out to me that in this point of my writing I went off on a huge tangent, and I would have to agree. You see, I odnt want to write about Rex in a negative or sad way...which is the direction my dream went unfortunately. Instead, while writing this blog I used this dream to remind me of all the good and twist it to a positive note. enjoy.---------------------

continued here-


Even as a dog, Rex was able to shape me into the person I am today, and his death taught me a real and very valuable life lesson. Before Rex came along I was a little more self centered and jaded. I did not understand that its people, not things that make you who you are. I never could have known what kind of impact Rex had on my life. He taught me Love, Friendship, comradarie, trust and a little faith. As a child I couldnt wait to get home from school and play some catch with Rex. Somehow Rex would know what time I would be walking home and would be waiting outside by the fence and stare at me from down the block. As I got closer to my house he would get excited and get into a playable pounce position. As soon as I walked into my yard the game was on. That was not all the fun, we would watch TV together all of the time when everyone was asleep. He would sneek onto the couch because my mother forbade him from even coming close to it. We would sit there every school night watching late night movies together, and I swear to you that he was watching the tv, his eyes were transfixed on it. Sometimes rex would look to his right at me and raise his eyebrow almost as if asking me what I thought of the show. He was so convincing at times to have a human personality I found myself waiting for him to say something. Did you know Rex's favorite movies were the Rocky series?
Whenever I think to all the happy times in my childhood I think of Rex, without him I would not even resemble the person I am today. I am determined, compassionate, loving and trustworthy...at least I hope to be. I was going to write about my dream today but It was too sad I dont want anything about Rex to be written in a depressing light. Instead I find myself using this sad dream and thinking like my best friend Rex, turn it into a positive!
No more doom and gloom for me! Thanks Rex for smacking me a little bit and lighting up the way, I needed you last night and you came to help me out. I love you man...